


Truth

by orphan_account



Series: Definitions [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Deathfic, Depression, M/M, POV Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock grieves a weird way, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-03-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 08:42:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/721107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Truth (trüth) n. sincerity in action, character, or utterance. See also: CAPTAIN JOHN HAMISH WATSON</p>
            </blockquote>





	Truth

**Truth** (trüth) **_n._** sincerity in action, character, or utterance. _See also: CAPTAIN JOHN HAMISH WATSON, FIFTH NORTHUMBERLAND FUSILIERS, BLOOD TYPE O NEGATIVE, PERMANENT TISSUE DAMAGE TO LEFT SHOULDER THAT ~~ACHES~~ *ACHED WHEN IT ~~RAINS~~ *RAINED THOUGH HE ~~PRETENDS~~ *PRETENDED IT ~~DOESN’T~~ DIDN’T, ~~TAKES~~ *TOOK COFFEE WITHOUT SUGAR, ~~HATES~~ *HATED IT WHEN I…_

            “…The best man…”

**Numb** (nəm) **_adj._** devoid of feeling or emotion. _See also: HEARTBROKEN_

            “…The most loyal…”

**Word** (wərd) **_n._** a speech sound or series of speech sounds that symbolizes and communicates a meaning. _See also: INADEQUATE_

            I step away from the podium. Days.

            Days of eating food without taste, composing music with no sound, sleeping away nights without rest.

            The eulogy is so much less than he deserves. The whole funeral is so much less than he deserves, with or without a military farewell.

            Mrs. Hudson is saying something. I don’t care. The words I spoke linger in the air and my gut is tightened by misery with all the things I couldn’t say.

**Memory** (meməri) **_n._** a retained impression of an event, subject, or person _See also: THINGS TO NEVER FORGET_

            The first time we held hands as we walked back to our home ( _See also: WHEREEVER JOHN BREATHED_ ). The first time we kissed ( _See also: PERFECT, QUIET, WITHOUT WORDS_ ).

            The first time we held hands in public and in broad daylight is forever welded to the memory of John’s free fist connecting with a homophobic man’s jaw ( _See also: KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR_ ).

**Impromptu** (im'prɒmpˌtu) **_adj._** without prior preparation or thought. _See also: AT THE CASKET_

            The pallbearers set the beautiful box next to the place it will permanently stay. ~~Lestrade~~ *Greg solemnly claps me on the shoulder as the rest of the pallbearers disperse ( _See also: UNRECOGNIZABLE FACES, FRIENDS OF JOHN HAMISH WATSON I NEVER KNEW_ ).

            They prepare to lower the casket.

            “No.”

            My voice?

            My legs carry me to the head of the beautifully cruel box that keeps my John Hamish Watson away from me.

            My knees meet slushy snow and mud.

            My hands meet either side of the small gold plaque bearing a name I will know forever.

            My lips meet the freezing metal plate.

            “Goodbye, my friend.”

            A sudden burst of wailing from the crowd.

            Through my haze, I realize that John’s last blood relative did not appear at all. Too drunk, too depressed, so much less than the man being lowered into the frozen earth, so much weaker than the man lost to me forever.

**Finality** (fai'næləti) ** _n._** the quality, state, or condition of being concluded. _See also: DIRT_

            Someone is tugging at my sleeve. A woman.

            He died in her stead.

            She is expressing something, mouthing words I cannot hear. I do not wish to hear them, at any rate. I loathe her.

            John would not approve, but he is not here to tug gently on my coat sleeve and murmur “Not Good,” or to speak over my harsh tone with apologies and excuses from warm lips that tasted like sun and tea and a hint of morning breath.

 

            The funeral concludes when I can no longer stand on my own legs.

 

**Empty** (empty) **_adj._** 1\. containing nothing; 2. without value, meaning, or purpose. _See also: 221B_


End file.
